You have to understand that living on the great northern plains of North America has many wondrous sights, sounds, and experiences and because of my 65 years, I have witnessed many of them.  But the one thing that I have come to hate, with a passion, is living through the season of winter.  While most of the people of this country enjoy the four seasons, we who live on the Great Plains have different seasons of the year.  They are as follows:

Spring – which is mid-May through June

Summer – which is July and August

Fall or what is called Soon to be Winter- which is September and October

Hunting Season – which is mid-October through Thanksgiving (Yes, hunting season overlaps Soon to be Winter.)

And finally Winter- which runs from the end of November through mid-May (Yes, close to 5 solid months of extreme cold, snow, and wind chills.)

After, three very nice and unusually pleasant days with highs in the forties, the local weatherman announced last night on the news that we are going back into the deep freeze and this cold spell is expected to last “several weeks.”  Yes, you heard me right…he used the word several weeks.  It is statements like that that just plain piss me off and it’s not only the words…it’s the fact that he says it with a smile on his face.  I know that he is just trying to be pleasant to the viewing audience, but deep down I know that it is really a smirk.  He knows the truth and his real motive is to make our lives as miserable as possible.  While we patiently anticipate the arrival of spring, he is plotting the next artic cold front or the newest term…polar vortex.  I think the only place that has the right to complain more about this winter is possible those people living in the northeast states.

So, here is my list of 10 reasons that I hate winter:

1)      The grey overcast skies which happens 95 percent of the time.  The lack of sun and blue skies are so rare that when they do occur, everyone gets scared and runs inside, as if it is a bad omen.

2)      Because of the lack of sun, our flesh is turned into a pasty-white color that could be best described as looking the same as a fishes’ belly or the body of a corpse.

3)      I also hate wind-chills of minus 40 to 50 below.  Not only does the cold go right through you, but your fingers and toes start to freeze immediately.

4)      I hate the driving on snow and ice because you may know how to operate your vehicle properly, but what about the guy in the next lane, driving 50 mph, who just moved up here from Texas?  This is the same guy who’s idea of “chains” are those worn around your neck.  He also has no idea what a snow shovel looks like and he thought that I might have an electric pickup, because I had my head bolt heater plugged in.

5)      The times that your vehicle barely starts and does not warm up for 15 to 20 minutes, which is approximately the exact time that it takes you to drive from your house to the parking lot at work.

6)      The adventure of going across the street to get the mail.  This may not sound like much, but a guy could slip and fall on the icy street and since most people do not venture out in the winter, your body might not be discovered until that snow bank on top of you, melts in the spring.

7)      I hate having to constantly shovel my driveway of any accumulation of snow.  Additional, I would like to know who designed the layout of the streets in my neighborhood, because every time that the wind blows the snow around, I get a 3 to 4 foot drift of snow across my driveway, just in front of the garage doors.

8)      Having to stay at home, cooped up, breathing that stale air because every window and door is sealed in plastic, in an attempt to keep the heat in and the cold out.  Not to mention the added bonus of trying to afford your monthly heating bill.

9)      Having to go out when it is winter, because you are then exposed to all the germs and illnesses that are inherent to the winter season, such as the dreaded cold and flu season which lasts for the same period of time that the winter season does.

10)    And finally, I hate having to bundle up with multiple layers of clothing.  Even at night, the wife and I have to wear layers of clothing to stay warm.  I also hate the lack of intimacy during the winter season.  The last time I tried…I fell asleep before I could get undressed.

 

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